For people who can't drive...

You know how most computer companies these days have a help-line to help
those of their customers who aren't 100% sure of what they're doing. 
General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to
drive. Imagine if they did...

Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!
Helpline: Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?
Customer: What's an ignition?
Helpline: It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns
over the engine.
Customer: Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these
technical terms to use my car?


Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!
Helpline: Is the gas tank empty?
Customer: Huh? How do I know?
Helpline: There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and
markings from E to F. Where is the needle pointing?
Customer: It's pointing to E. What does that mean?
Helpline: It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more
gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for
you.
Customer: What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to
keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built
in!


Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: Your cars suck!
Helpline: What's wrong?
Customer: It crashed, that's whats wrong!
Helpline: What were you doing?
Customer: I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the
way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed, and it won't
start now!
Helpline: It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you
expect us to do about it?
Customer: I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't crash
any more!


Helpline: General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?
Customer: Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has
automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and
power door locks.
Helpline: Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?
Customer: How do I work it?
Helpline: Do you know how to drive?
Customer: Do I know how to what?
Helpline: Do you know how to drive?
Customer: I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my car!