DOCTORS NOTES ON PATIENTS CHARTS: (ACTUAL NOTES-UNEDITED!)

  1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a
     year

  2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it
     disappeared completely.

  3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she
     was very hot in bed last night.

  4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in
     1993.

  5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to
     be depressed.

  6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

  7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but
       forgetful.

  8. The patient refused an autopsy.

  9. The patient has no past history of suicides.

  10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

  11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant
     with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

  12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

  13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

  14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might
     like to work her up.

  15. She is numb from her toes down.

  16. While in the ER, she was examined, X