For protection, my father bought me a dog. Knowing that everyone calls their
dog "Rover" I thought of a different name. I decided to call mine after the
one word that I had heard my father mention to my mother the most often. I
called my dog "sex".

My dog ran away one night and whilst I was out looking for him, down an
alleyway I was stopped by a passing policeman who asked " what are you doing
in  this alley at 4am?"

Quite innocently I replied "I'm looking for sex".

"Really!?" he replied.

"But you don't understand," I replied, "I'm looking for a dog."

The policeman retorted that he really didn't care what she looked like and
took me down to the local station. My case comes to court shortly :(

I was instructed to obtain a licence for my dog, so dutifully I set of for
the local post office.

"I'd like a licence for sex please" I asked the woman behind the counter.

"Wouldn't we all?" she replied with a smile.

"You don't understand," I replied, "this is for a dog." 

"Thats not a nice way to talk" was the response.

"No!" I rebuked, "I have had sex since I was two years old!" 

At this point I was taken to the police station again and questioned with
concern about my past.
  
My case comes to court shortly :(

When my wife and I seperated we went to court to fight for the custody of
the dog.

I told the judge that I had had sex before I was married opon which he
retorted "Me too!"

Then I told the judge that I had sex on video. He replied that he really
didn't care about my personal tastes, but if the films were good could he
borrow one?

I also told the judge that we had took the dog on our honeymoon. On checking
in at the hotel I told the receptionist that I would like a room for my
wife and myself and a seperate room for sex. She responded with a broad
grin that all rooms were for sex!

"But," I rebuked, "sex keeps me awake at night"

The receptionist said "Me too!"

Then the judge said "Me too!"

Needless to say my now ex wife won the case and continues to have sex at
her house.