THE MEN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A WOMAN REALLY MEANS WHEN SHE SAYS...
 "It's your decision" = "The correct decision should be obvious by now."
 "Do what you want" = "You'll pay for this later."
 "We need to talk" = "I need to complain"
 "I'm not upset" = "Of course I'm upset, you moron!"
 "You're so manly" = "You need a shave and you sweat a lot."
 "Be romantic, turn out the lights." = "I have flabby thighs."
 "I heard a noise" = "I noticed you were almost asleep."
 "Do you love me?" = "I'm going to ask for something expensive."
 "How much do you love me?" = "I did something today you're really not
going to like."
 "I'll be ready in a minute" = "Kick off your shoes and find a good game on
TV."
 "You have to learn to communicate." = "Just agree with me."
 "Are you listening to me? " = "Too late, you're dead."
 "Do you like this recipe?" = "It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used
to it."
 "I'm not yelling!" = "Yes I am yelling because I think this is important."

 THE WOMAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A MAN REALLY MEANS WHEN HE  SAYS...
 "I'm hungry." = "I'm hungry."
 "I'm sleepy." = "I'm sleepy."
 "I'm tired." = "I'm tired."
 "Do you want to go to a movie?" = "I'd eventually like to have sex with
you."
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = "I'd eventually like to have sex with
you."
"Can I call you sometime?" = "I'd eventually like to have sex with you."
"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = "I want to fondle you."
 "What's wrong?" = "What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma
are you going through now?"
 "What's wrong?" = "I guess sex tonight is out of the question."
 "I'm bored." = "Do you want to have sex?"
 "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = "I liked it better before."
 "Let's talk." = "I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep
person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me."
 "Will you marry me?" = "I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with
other guys